Short Story Club
In My View
- Living A Value Based Life
- Self-Care In A Crisis
- Baby Girl Expectations
- My Feminist Journey
- The Experiential Diary
Going Forward Living a Value-Based Life
I have had many goals in this short life and will have plenty more as my lifeline extends. I have been proud and disappointed. Frustrated, mad, angry. Upset, dejected, apathetic. Accomplished, motivated and elated. I have felt it all as a result of the outcomes that I have produced in the quest to reach my goal.
I understand that goals matter, they help us break barriers, arrive at new destinations, feel better than before, and so forth. But we rarely ever talk about the downside of goals, the unneeded, unheeded pressures and the stress they may leave us with.
2020 was a year that kicked our asses and really took the joy out of making plans for we live in perpetual fear that the pandemonium would cancel them, and we’d be left disappointed. That year I had set up goals that were hindered by the circumstances of our society, so coming into 2021, I did not want to make resolutions. I did not feel that resolutions could hold water in the state we were in and honestly coming into that new year I did not feel hopeful and excited like the previous year. The Rona had really taken the joy out of me.
In previous years, I would set goals and targets, little and big. Things to help me better myself and reach my ‘full potential’ - or whatever that means. It was almost-always goal-based stuff that can be measured by completion or lack thereof. Having found that it hadn’t worked in 2020 and it was likely to be a bust in 2021, as our day-to-day was as fickle as our state. With less certainty than before, I didn’t want to set myself up for ‘failure’.
Lucky for me, I dabble in a little podcast listening, and in the cruel British winter of 2020, I gained a new perspective listening to my favourite female led one - The Receipts Podcast. On this particular episode, the ladies discussed resolutions and similarly expressed the lack of wanting to set them due to the understandable anxieties of living in a panorama. However, one did offer the solution of value-based resolutions as opposed to goal-based ones. A conversation with a friend of hers led her to reflect on her life and she realised that she typically sets easily measurable goals for herself i.e., buy this, do that, see them etc.
Whilst setting goals can be a key to success, the unpredictability of life and things that can be out of our depth can push back the goals we set ourselves, thus leading us to disappointment. However, changing your outlook to live a value-based life, can still help you achieve things and not feel like a loser. For example, you can seek better health, more adventure, better communication, more kindness or whatever it is you desire to fill your life with. Within these wants, you can achieve things.
Lucky for me, I dabble in a little podcast listening, and in the cruel British winter of 2020, I gained a new perspective listening to my favourite female led one - The Receipts Podcast. On this particular episode, the ladies discussed resolutions and similarly expressed the lack of wanting to set them due to the understandable anxieties of living in a panorama. However, one did offer the solution of value-based resolutions as opposed to goal-based ones. A conversation with a friend of hers led her to reflect on her life and she realised that she typically sets easily measurable goals for herself i.e., buy this, do that, see them etc.
Whilst setting goals can be a key to success, the unpredictability of life and things that can be out of our depth can push back the goals we set ourselves, thus leading us to disappointment. However, changing your outlook to live a value-based life, can still help you achieve things and not feel like a loser. For example, you can seek better health, more adventure, better communication, more kindness or whatever it is you desire to fill your life with. Within these wants, you can achieve things.
In 2020, I wanted to complete a triathlon, but obviously because of the pantomime, and lack of social mixing allowed, that was cancelled immediately. So 2021 was the year that I sought to be stronger, and with that I found myself cycling and running more. As the year passed I even took up swimming at my local leisure centre, once the piranha permitted. Nothing was fixed, there was no goal to run every week. I had plenty of freedom, flexibilty and creativity since my goal was just about gaining strength and that could occur in a multitude of ways. Additionally, this goal I figured could extend to my mental and emotional strength. I realised the possibilities were endless with this value, and the self-proclaimed Self-care Queen was born that year. What I love most about this way of framing my year, was that I didn’t have to do anything by any given date within the year and I didn’t have to count up all the things that I did throughout the year. I simply got to look at myself on December 31st 2021 and be like “Damn girl! You are way stronger than you were last year. I’m so proud of you.” That’s it. No muscle mass measurements were required or completed marathons were ticked off.
I moved forward wiith the idea of a value-based life. I didn’t abandon generic, measured goals, but I alleviated the pressure that goal setting brings on me. I found that I am more motivated with this approach and I find myself watering the things I want to grow more naturally, rather than feel constrained.
Each of the following years I have followed this formula and has found myself continuously learning, loving, healing, and more. I hope adopting a similar mindset can help you too. Life’s too long to costantly make yourself feel like you’re failing, so don’t do it.
I moved forward wiith the idea of a value-based life. I didn’t abandon generic, measured goals, but I alleviated the pressure that goal setting brings on me. I found that I am more motivated with this approach and I find myself watering the things I want to grow more naturally, rather than feel constrained.
Each of the following years I have followed this formula and has found myself continuously learning, loving, healing, and more. I hope adopting a similar mindset can help you too. Life’s too long to costantly make yourself feel like you’re failing, so don’t do it.